You know how when you’re in a new group setting, like the first day of school for example, and the teacher thinks that the best way to break the ice between a group of strangers is for everyone to go around and tell a “fun fact” about themselves?
Well first of all, this was hardly an ice breaker for me because I was so focused on trying to think of something “fun” about me and not trip over my words that I ended up not hearing what anybody else said was “fun” about them. But anyways, my go to answer was always “I grew up with three brothers.. no sisters.. just me.”
People always say “Wow, that had to have been… interesting.” Or “Oh, I’m sorry. I bet you wished you had a sister.” But honestly no. If I hadn’t grown up the way I did, I wouldn’t have been who I am now. And I’m pretty fond of who I am now.
The other day I was sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor, singing. (Don’t judge. The acoustics in the middle of my kitchen are *incredible.) I was recording a video while I sang, which I do often so that I can look back at my jam session and correct my tone, or so that I can keep a record of any little melody I come up with while I’m playing.
I was listening to the playback of my voice and was considering posting a clip of it on my Instagram until I thought to myself, “Nah, this part of the song is too high and too strong to post. No one wants to hear that style.”
I was always a little bit insecure about my voice. Not because I thought I couldn’t sing, but because all the other girls had sweet, almost airy, mid-tone voices, while my voice is very full, high, and almost forceful when I’m singing in my most comfortable range. It’s not the pretty, feminine voice that you’d expect. Or at least that’s how I hear myself. So I stopped myself from posting the high version of the song and opted for a clip that was much lower for me and allowed me to mimic the delicate, indie style voice of women that is so popular now.
But I kind of walked away from that situation and thought to myself…. “But why didn’t I post my natural voice in a comfortable range?.... Because isn't strong beautiful too?” (Then I thought to myself “Write a blog”, so here I am.)
I've always had a strong personality. I don’t think I’ve ever been described as “sweet” or “dainty.” Having three brothers and no experience besides that to compare to, being a strong girl was a totally normal thing for me to be.
If my brothers climbed the tree, so did I.
If my brothers played with blocks and engineered towers, so did I.
If my brothers shot bow and arrows, so did I.
If my brothers instigated wrestling matches, so did I.
(And vice versa: If I had to clean the kitchen, so did they.)
I was so lucky to have a dad that didn’t just do things for me, but had me come alongside him and learn how to do things for myself. To have a mom that gave me my space to be a little less than lady like at times. And to have three brothers that didn’t form a “boys only club,” but let me come along with and even plan our adventures.
So I decided after walking away from this video of me singing that I don’t have to apologize for being a strong woman.
Because strong is beautiful:
~I don’t have to apologize for preferring to sit around the table with “the men” and talk about systematic theology instead of at the “women and kids table.”
~I don’t have to apologize for having mostly male role models and mentors.
~I don’t have to apologize for wanting to do things for myself.
~I don’t have to apologize for the times when I was given a leadership role instead of a man.
~I don’t have to apologize for thinking more in tune with my head than with my heart or emotions.
~I don’t have to apologize for wanting to lift weights instead of solely doing cardio for the sake of my waist.
~I don’t have to apologize for not being a damsel in distress waiting for her prince, but wanting to ride into battle alongside of my prince instead.
~I don’t have to apologize for striving to be a paradox of humble and gracious but also fierce and capable.
I don’t have to apologize for being strong…
And neither do you.
"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." -Proverbs 31:25
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